Want to relieve some stress, bring a smile to your face, rev up your sex drive, and figure out how your body works? Masturbate.
Since nearly half of women between 18 and 49 cop to ‘jilling off’ on a regular basis, you may know this already. And if you’re part of the 50 percent who don’t indulge in regular bouts of ‘me time,’ (or are too shy to tell a researcher!) it’s time you let your fingers do the walking.
While the benefits of masturbation are well-documented, a lot of us get lazy and stick to the same tried and true methods and wind up stuck in a self-love rut.
Here are five ways to mix it up the next time you feel like ‘pinching the dumpling’.
Look Beyond Your Lady Parts
Many women have never gotten themselves off and some have never even had an orgasm with a partner, says Goddess Cecilia, a traveling sex educator who hosts home sex-toy parties for a company called Athena’s. When she meets one of these women, she doesn’t hand over a magical masturbation machine. Instead, she tells them, “I’m not going to sell you a sex toy right away, I want you to feel comfortable with your body first because I don’t want to sell you something that’s going to sit in a drawer!”
She advises women to first concentrate on sensual experiences, like rubbing lotion on themselves, getting massages, and losing their discomfort with their own bodies. “There’s a lot of stigma about how we look, smell, and taste and that can get in the way of accessing pleasure,” she says. “And to be able to help someone become comfortable enough to touch themselves—that makes me happy.” Of course, once you are that comfortable, she’ll happily sell you the vibrator of your dreams.
Switch it up
Sam Bard, co-owner of the woman-owned Brooklyn sex shop, Shag, says that before you plunk down your credit card to buy a vibrator from her shop, you should know what kind of stimulation you prefer. “External, internal—some people like both at the same time,” she says. And if you’ve grown accustomed to one kind of action, maybe it’s time to try something new. If you’re used to pure clitoral stimulation, go deep and see what your G-spot can do with the NJoy Pure Wand or the Lelo Gigi2. More experienced toy users might want to try the Lelo Ina Wave, which combines clitoral and g-spot stimulation in one pricey little package.
“Dirty Lola,” a sex educator and the host of a monthly variety show called Sex Ed A-Go-Go, agrees with modifying your technique. “Once your brain learns the quickest way to get from point A to B, it’s natural to keep doing that, which is why so many people feel like vibrators desensitize you,” she says. (They don’t, according to Lola). So instead of doing the same thing, she advises mixing it up! “Use your hand or even a vibrator with a different kind of feel. If you’re used to a buzzy vibe, use one that rumbles. Different vibrators give you different orgasms.”
Double the pleasure
Though masturbation is all about pleasing yourself, there’s no rule that you can’t involve a partner in your fun. Mutual masturbation “helps you learn how your partner likes to be touched,” says Lola. Got a long-distance love? Check out the “We-Vibe,” which connects you with your partner via Bluetooth and mobile apps. “You can be Skyping with your partner in China and still be masturbating together,” says Bard.
Engage in self-foreplay
Many of us look at masturbation as something to take the edge off, but Goddess Cecilia thinks working yourself up into a lather before you get yourself off can help you enjoy sex even more. “Say you have a boring work meeting coming up or a class that you suspect might put you to sleep,” she says. “There are stimulating creams that can make your nipples tingle or stimulate your clitoris—and they can help make that meeting far more interesting.”
Love the lube
Many of the same women who wouldn’t think twice about busting out the lube tube for P-to-V sex look at lube during masturbation as a sign of failure. That’s a mistake, says Lola. “Friction is not your friend when it comes to masturbation,” she points out. “Wetness is inside your body—there’s usually not enough to coat your outer labia, and your outer labia and vulva have a lot of nerve endings. It may not be the direct route to an orgasm, but it helps in the build-up.” Shop for lubes at Adore Passion Canada.
While high-tech gadgets are totally optional, some new options might be just what you need to take pleasure to the next level. The Womanizer, for instance, was invented by a retired German engineer and his wife; it uses something they call “pleasure air technology” to stimulate the clitoris. You can also explore vibrators with dual motors and even dildos with built-in cameras (to each their own?).